Shema Self

Currently I am at Radina’s on the Hill with a bottomless cup of Costa Rica coffee that has reached its bottom. I preach tomorrow at Glen Elder Christian Church and due to busyness and mostly procrastination I am digging through past sermons of mine with the intent of tweaking and refining one for tomorrow. I came across one of my favorites from last year entitled “Satisfied?” After looking over my notes and refreshing myself with the story of Moses and the Israelites found in the first 17 chapters of Exodus I’m humbled.

The original sermon came through a personal time of crisis for me in which I was doubting whether or not Jesus Christ satisfies as we say He does. The first part of Exodus describes how God continually met the needs of the Israelites including their deliverance out of Egypt and oppression. Despite the Lord their God’s continual provision, the Israelites complain and complain some more. They constantly failed to recognize how God had satisfied their needs over and over again.

My main point from the sermon: God satisfies. Quit complaining.

It’s a truth that the Israelites kept losing sight of and it’s one that I always seem to forgot.

This month a year ago, I preached this sermon for the first time and now a year later I find myself as an Israelite. Once again in my life I have failed to remember how the Lord my God satisfies. Now as I work on this sermon I find myself preaching to myself. I’m at a point in my life where I feel God has taken me in a roundabout way and I have questioned why. I don’t think there is anything wrong with questioning God, but for me this questioning of God has replaced my trust in God. Instead, I have decided to incessantly trust the one person who always finds a way to let me down: Self.

I say, “God satisfies,” and then look to Self to satisfy. Self lets me down, so I cry out to God, but insist on depending on Self and complain when Self doesn’t satisfy. Yeah, I can relate with the Israelites.

I have spent the majority of 21 years leaning on Self, so much so that I have only caught glimpses of trusting in God for daily provision. Those glimpses, however, those times when I trust God to provide manna each day, are the times in my life that I feel most complete. And yet, as I’m sure the Israelites felt complete after the Lord led them out from oppression and into the promised land yet failed to put their complete trust in him, I do the same. I decide to move from those times of completeness back into moments of Self dependency.

Today I recognize that God satisfies. The question is, though, will I tomorrow? Will I the day after?

Shema Yisrael YHWH Eloheinu YHWH Eḥad.

Hear, O Self, the Lord is your God, the Lord is One.

The Quality House

The Quality House from Jacob Carlson on Vimeo.

My home until August 1, 2012 (unless I get kicked out).

Another Bite of the Little Apple

The past 14 days have marked my first official two weeks back in Manhattan and they have been filled.

Just 13 days ago, I had the opportunity to start off the new year at Manhattan Christian College by speaking at the first Worship Service. The following day, classes started and reminded me that I need to buckle up for yet another semester at MCC. There was not a single day, except for the first, that I did not have some sort of assignment due and it doesn’t look like it is going to slow down.

I’m only taking 12 hours (4 courses) this semester, the lightest load I’ve ever had in college, but this could be the most difficult semester so far. I am enrolled in two counseling courses, Ethics, and Human Sexuality. I also decided to audit a C.S. Lewis course that I am not required to take so that I could get the benefits of reading and class discussion without having to do any of the homework.

This is the semester that I have been waiting for.

When I changed my major from Youth to Family Ministry after Spring Break my Freshman Year, I did so because of the practicality of the Family Ministry program. The emphasis in Pre-Counseling would provide basic concepts on how to help others and build others up through relationships. It would provide the most broad perspective on ministry.

Over two years later and I’m finally starting counseling classes. Classes designed to help me help others. To say the least, I’m very excited. One of the courses is designed to educate about counseling, while the other provides opportunities to put into practice what we learn as we counsel our fellow classmates.

I had my first counseling session on Thursday. Was I nervous? Yes. But it actually went really well. Now, granted, the only “skill” we’ve learned so far is effective listening and attending, so it wasn’t like I made groundbreaking progress with my “client.” Nonetheless, I felt as if the 10 minute session went really well, which was way better than I expected.

Like I said, I’m really excited for this semester. I cannot wait to see how this entire year (my final year!) shapes me as an individual. If it’s another typical year in Manhattan, I have no clue what I will be like afterward.

be

be from Jacob Carlson on Vimeo.

Here it is…finally. This is the sermon that I got to share at Manhattan Christian College’s Welcome Weekend Worship Service. I got the chance to introduce the year’s theme and have fun doing it as well.

33 Head

The Sunday Morning Worship Bulletin at Soldier Christian Church

This past Sunday was the start of something new for me. I journeyed to Soldier Christian Church in Soldier, KS to speak at their Sunday morning worship service.

Why Soldier, you ask? I signed up to do what Manhattan Christian College calls “pulpit supply.” Basically, there a tons of small churches in western Kansas that, for whatever reason, don’t have full-time preachers. Many of these churches have gone through recent splits or have recently lost their senior pastor, but a lot of them are simply dying churches who want to bring in preachers every Sunday in an attempt to hold on to “their” church.

For me, it is a great way to get out and preach. The only way I’ll get better is by doing it more than the three times a semester in classes, so I jumped on this opportunity.

Soldier Christian Church, as I mentioned, was my first victim. I decided to test run a message that I will be speaking next week at Manhattan Christian College’s Welcome Weekend Service. Let’s just say, I need to work out some kinks.

Brighid came along with me, which was great, but of course everyone was asking her if she was ready to be a preacher’s wife. They should have asked me first if I was ready to be their idea of a “preacher.”

I left Soldier with an interesting perspective of church. They are a small community of believers, a polar opposite of the church in Phoenix that I interned with last summer. Although small, both in size and maybe in perspective, they have an amazing fellowship within the congregation. Apparently, the night before I preached was the youth pastor’s wedding and, from what it sounded like, the whole church was there for the celebration. Community like that is refreshing. A community like Soldier, KS, however, might not be for me.

I was reminded once again of how much of a city boy I am. Apparently, you’re not supposed to ask a cattle rancher how many cows he has. “Asking me how many cows I have is like me asking you how much money you have in your bank account.” If the two are anywhere close to each other, he can’t be doing too well…

This next week will be one of preparation and fine tuning the message that I have for next Sunday. I look forward to it and hopefully I will be able to post the video on here so that you can see it too.

Wrapped and Cherished

Wow! What a summer.

First of all, I apologize for posting so inconsistently this summer. For those of you who don’t know, my summer internship with Youth Villages officially ended on August 4th.

10 weeks, 400 hours, and 1 awesome summer.

It truly was an amazing summer. I got the opportunity to live with two amazing men, Zach Parolin and Matt Winters, who I will always hold tightly to in my heart. So many nights were spent up late watching Friday Night Lights, regressing into out high school years in front of the xbox, or writing chart topping songs as the Belair Trio. I loved every moment with them this summer.

Youth Villages treated me wonderfully as well. I grew so much and learned so much about myself. Out of everything that I learned, though, this is the biggest: How much I love and enjoy doing ministry outside of a local church. For those of you who don’t know about my struggles with who and what I am going to be after I graduate, it has been a journey ever since I changed my major from Youth Ministry to Family Ministry 3/4 of the way through my freshman year. At first I was freaking out, but every since I stopped worrying about it I have seen nothing but opportunities come my way. Youth Villages has opened my eyes to new opportunities. It’s funny, too, because I realized that this summer I was doing Youth Ministry, but not in a church or even with a Christian organization.

I learned this summer that I would be completely fine with working outside of a local church, but I already knew that if I worked in a local church it would have to look very different. I know that whatever I end up doing, it won’t be typical.

This past weekend was my good friends Kenny and Amanda’s wedding. I got the chance to spend three full days with all of the guys that I have admired at my time at Manhattan Christian College who have graduated and moved on. It’s crazy to see how much of an impact each one of them have had on me, even after spending only one year with some of them. It’s also crazy to see how much each one of them cares for me and still speaks truth into my life after so much time apart.

This summer has been insanely eventful. I have loved every moment of it. Thank you for participating in this summer with me by keeping up with me. I hope to continue to use this site in my senior to post updates, sermons, and such, so please continue to read (if you’re interested).

Another summer in the books and placed neatly on the shelf.

 

I Usually Don’t Mind Driving in the Rain, But on a Moped?

For those of you who didn’t know, the O’Toole family gave me their awesome moped to get around Nashville while their daughter’s boyfriend still doesn’t own a car. 77mpg makes it worth it, unless it’s raining after work…